I could have mohawked her pubes.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
