Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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