I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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