I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize
