I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
