I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize