girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
