i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
