Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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