I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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