just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
