dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
