I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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