and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I will pee on everything he values.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
