She even gives head with a lisp.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
