I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
