I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
