Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
