Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize
