I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
