I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize