my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
