wake up i wanna do it froggy style
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
