Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
