I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
