Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
