look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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