yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Randomize
