you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize