Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
