my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
