I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
