it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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