Im at strip club and am horny
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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