Duck Duck Cougar?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
