so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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