How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
