this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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