there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
