Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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