we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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