Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
