Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There's a naked man in my car right now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
