Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
