I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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