but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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