just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
