im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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