When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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