I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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