I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize