dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
