I seem to have left my pride at pride
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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