I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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