My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
