I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
