Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I believe in your delicious
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