Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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