It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
