Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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