would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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