he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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