When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
