so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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