Jerry, you need to find god
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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