So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
