I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
