just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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