She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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