hotel room ftw
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
