No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize