people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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